Guy Time

So here I am stuck at work waiting for my now official boyfriend to pick me up. Funny thing about all that officialness.....it doesn't really seem that way. Sure, I call him my boyfriend to his face now, but we don't seem intent on spending that much time together. Or at least he doesn't seem to want to set aside his "guy time" to spend time with me. He's done something with they guys every single day for the past 7 days, twice at the expense of our plans. So my questions is - how much "guy time" does one guy need?

I don't want to be the overbearing girlfriend and say "Hey, you! Pay attention to me!" but I'm not sure what else to do. Twice this week we had plans and twice I got thrown over for the guys. I'm all about doing my own thing (as y'all well know from reading past posts), but where does one draw the line? Twice he didn't call when he said he was going to, although once I will allow room for error due to miscommunication. Is it his age? Are they really all "Bros before Hoes" when they are that young? Really? And again he is late. Here's another interesting observation - he can always leave early when he's hanging out with they guys......maybe just once he could leave early for me?

Maybe I haven't had enough sleep the past few weeks and being tired is making me bitchy. Maybe I am just fed up with having to compete with his friends. Maybe I'm on the verge of really falling for him and I am coming up with every possible excuse not to (analyze that, Master). Maybe it's been 4 months now and I feel like we should MAYBE have a talk about how we feel about each other. God, even a small statement would be nice. It doesn't have to be 'I love you" (even I shudder at the thought), but a confirmation that he feels this is going somewhere would do wonders for my confidence in our relationship.

And MAYBE if i was confident in our relationship I would stop messing with OBF. Although, in my defense, I did something last week that I never thought I would or could do. I walked away. I received this email that literally broke my heart. He was so confused, felt so guilty and was just so expressive about it I cried as I read it. And I also knew that he would not walk away from me. So I did it. I cut off all communication, we stopped hanging out and I avoided the office for about a week (that was pretty simple to do since I was swamped at my project site). I mean, it was a good try. Even if it only lasted a week. It probably would have lasted longer if he hadn't hit me with the news that he broke up with his girlfriend.

Yeah, everybody stop. BREAKING NEWS: OBF IS SINGLE!

Or was, for about 4 days. She's a smart girl. She bought a plane ticket and flew up here the first chance she got to change his mind. I guess it worked. And I'm the one that talked him through it. I played the best friend on the phone while he was trying to decide what to do. Oh well, as long as he's happy. Sadly, I'm not sure he is......but I don't think I want to find out.

I think maybe tonight is the night I try to have a serious talk with APR. Maybe.

Sex and the City - DC?

I know I've said it before, but I feel like I need to say it again. What is wrong with me? What was I thinking? Why in the world can't I say no to OBF? Is it his wonderfully luscious eyes, or the fact that when he speaks Spanish to me I swoon? Or is it simply a matter of wanting what you can't have? Regardless of the reason, whenever I get around him my clothes just seem to strip themselves off of their volition. I have no say in the matter, because I lose my mind whenever he gets too close to me.

Case in point - a few weekends ago he came over to hang out. We were going to have a nice day out. Get some lunch, hit up an art museum, check out the Cherry Blossom Festival. I was excited about getting out for the day. I did my hair. I put on make-up. But I made the mistake of letting him into my apartment. He kissed me. Not just any kiss either.....it was a total Hollywood kiss. The kind you see at the end of old movies where the hero has just found the heroine again after being apart for an unmeasurable amount of time and he takes her into his arms, bends her backwards and kisses her as if that is the only thing that will keep him alive.

Cue the love song.

Sigh. I'm sure those would have been fun things to do, except we didn't leave the bedroom until the next day. I know I don't have to tell you that it was incredible. You probably came to your own conclusion as soon as I said we didn't leave the bedroom. After all, why stay locked up with someone for that long if they aren't amazing? Why, indeed.

So there it is again. I am trapped in this OBF cycle that I can't seem to get out of. How do I say no to him? Do I want to say no to him? I have no idea.

But what about APR, you ask? What about APR......he's amazing too. A few weeks ago he had a "surprise week" where he gave me a little surprise each day. One day he took me out for sushi (my favorite, but the one food he can't stand). Another day he took me all the way to Baltimore to see a frog exhibit at the National Aquarium. He spends all this time trying to please me, and every day I find myself liking it more and more. When I am with him, OBF is like a vague memory. I never even think of him. But when I'm not......well, then they are both on my mind.

It's so wrong, I can practically feel the sin tainting my soul. Or maybe I would if I was a more religious person.

My friend "Germany" told me the other day that I was like the Carrie Bradshaw of DC and that I had already found my Mr. Big. First, I'm pretty sure that was meant as a compliment, but do I really want to strive to be as stubbornly single as the Carrie Bradshaw character seems to be? Second, maybe I have found him..................the question is - which one is it?