Once upon a time, in a land far far away, Mistress Kitten floated down the aisle of a grand church in a white dress that made her the envy of every other princess in the kingdom. At the end of said aisle, her Prince Charming stood awaiting her. Amidst their friends and family Mistress Kitten and her Prince Charming were married in a joyous union and they lived happily ever after.......
Except they didn't. If only fairy tales truly existed this world would be a much better place. The sad reality is that couples get sick of each other. They either get divorced or in some mad fit throw a vase at exactly the right angle and end up spending the next 50 years in the state prison because their partners skull is not made of stone, no matter how many times you said that to your mother. This Kitten chose divorce. It seemed like the best option. I don't think I would do well in prison.
Of course, my situation is not unique. More and more these days I meet people who are my age and divorced once, twice, sometimes three times. I have several theories about why this happens, but that is an entirely different blog post. The point here is that while it is increasingly common to find thirty-somethings that have been both married and divorced, I'd be willing to gamble on the fact that few have ended up in my situation. The ending of my not so-in-love love story is truly one for the digital age. It goes like this:
I got married at 22 years old. Not young by some people's standards, but not nearly old enough to be committing your life to someone and know exactly what it is you are doing either. Obviously, it didn't last. Sadly, neither have any of my relationships since then, but that is neither here nor there. Comparatively speaking, my divorce was more amicable than most. My ex-husband and I do not 'hate' one another, but we aren't friendly either. In fact, we do almost everything we can to avoid the other. Shortly after the divorce was final, he asked me to sign papers having our marriage annulled within the catholic church because he wanted to get married again. In one last act of marital charity, I signed them. At that point, what else could I do? Now I would be completely free of him. So I thought.......
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was sitting at my desk at work computing the numbers as they flashed across my screen. 1 day, 3 days, 47 days....blah blah blah. I need a distraction! Please, anything, my brain feels like it's about to explode. So I open up my personal email account and ding ding ding! I have a new Facebook friend request! It's from an old college friend (I swear, I have no idea how these people find me). However, as much as I am surprised that she's found me, I am also very excited. It's been years since I have seen or talked to her, and I am anxious to catch up. We were very close in college, so naturally I'm curious to see what she's been up to in the last 10 years.
Eagerly, I hop on Facebook and accept the request. Immediately I go to her page. Wow! She looks so different! Her hair is red (it used to be blonde), she's a little curvier than I remember (aren't we all?), but all in all she looks beautiful. Especially in her profile picture which must have been taken at someone's wedding, because she is wearing a bridesmaid's dress. So there I am, preparing to write something witty on her wall when I happen to see the last post. It's from her sister. It's not the post or the fact that it's from her sister that catches me off guard. It's her sister's last name. A sense of foreboding fills me as the alarm bells start ringing in my head. I know that last name.
I know it because I used to have it.
Wait, she was wearing a bridesmaid's dress......could it be? Is it possible? As if on it's own accord, my hand moves the mouse to her picture link. The bells are getting louder in my head. My palms start to sweat and breathing is becoming a bit difficult. My inner Kitten, the smart one, the one that knows better is screaming at me to stop what I am doing IMMEDIATELY. Do I really want to know? Of course not. But I click on the link anyway.
There it is. An album of 30 photos titled "Sister & Kitten's Ex Wedding". Are you KIDDING me? Her SISTER is married to my EX-HUSBAND!!!! For a moment time is suspended and I am in an alternate universe. There is no possible way this is happening. What are the odds? Do I care? Knowing full well I am not going to enjoy the outcome, I page through every single one of those pictures. He looks happy, wearing a tuxedo and posing for wedding pictures that are not ours. How odd to be able to witness that part of his life without his knowledge.
I shut down the computer and lean back in my chair, taking very deep breaths. Just when I thought he was gone for good.
It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all.......
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Love on the Metro?
Five or six years ago Keri Noble put out a single called "Talk to Me". It was one of those songs that grabs a hold of you and doesn't let go. We've all had them. Generally, when that happens it's because the song is applicable to some situation in your life. Oddly, at that time in my life I was happily married...well, I was married, and there was nothing going on that would warrant my obsession with this song. Eventually, as tends to happen after you listen to a song 100o times, I sored it away and didn't think of it again. Years later, in another life and in another city across the country the lyrics to this song would come crashing back into my brain in an instant and it would be so, well, perfect.
There you are again
I see you all the time
We haven't really met yet,
But you know, I don't mind
'Cause I think today's the day
I'm gonna go right up and say to you
Would it be alright
If I called you up sometime?
There you go again
I let you get away
At least I've got more time
To think of what I might say (like)
Couldn't we be good (or maybe)
Don't you think that we should find
Some quiet little place where we'd make love all day?
Come and talk to me
What are you waiting for
'Cause I can see you passing every day
and I'm always wanting more
Come and talk to me
What are you gonna do
'cause I can't seem to get the nerve to get off my own ass
And come and talk to you
Of course, there is a story behind my spouting off the lyrics to a song most of you have never heard of. It all started back in April when I moved into my own apartment and started catching the early train into Maryland.......
I saw him first. He was dressed in army fatigues with his back pack casually slung over one shoulder. At first, he was in his own world obviously enjoying whatever music was beating out of his headphones. He was coming down the stairs and I was seated on a bench. 4 minutes until the next train (I've only got 4 minutes to save the world....) Like most of the men I have dated since my infamous affair with Mr. Beautiful he is tall, dark and handsome. Striking enough to make me look twice, but......I'm a shy girl from the Midwest. Talking to him is not something that's going to happen anytime soon. The train comes, we both get on the same car. Obviously, fate is with me on this day because he sits a little further up and across from me. Perfect, I can look at him while pretending not to look at him. Looking....damn, he caught me. I quickly glance away. Out the window. Wow, there is a lot of graffiti out there. And back....now I catch him. He looks away. Out the window. I wonder if he's admiring the graffiti as well. Hey, some people will tell you its an art.
This went on for months. It was like something out of a movie.
Start Scene
Heroine enters scene right, sits on concrete bench. She opens the paper and furtively glances towards the stairwell. She appears to be waiting for someone.
Hero enters from stairwell, scene right. He's wearing headphones, though he seems cognizant of his surroundings. As he reaches the bottom of the stairwell, he glances around casually. He spots our heroine reading the paper and saunters in her direction, stopping to stand a few feet away.
Heroine glances up and gives him a polite smile, then goes back to reading her paper. Hero changes the song on his iPod and eyes the clock. The train arrives.
Both actors enter the car, though through different doors. They do not look at each other, but they manage to sit so that they can still see each other.
They look up at the same time, their eyes meet, they both smile then quickly glance away. The heroine peers out the window and realizes she can see his reflection. He's watching her. She looks down at her paper, then back up. He's looking at the documents in his hand, but he is smiling.
The train stops. Our heroine stands and moves towards the doors. As she exits she throws a glance over her shoulder at the mystery man in camouflage. He smiles at her. She smiles back then exits the train.
End Scene
It was the same scene over and over and over. We never spoke, we never did anything more than smile. Then, sadly, I started taking a different train and my mystery army man was lost to me forever. Until today, that is. Today, for the first time in probably 3 months, I caught the early train. I saw him as soon as I got to the top of the stairs and almost like he knew I was there he lifted his head and looked right at me. Without even knowing I was doing it, I flashed him a signature kitten smile........the one that says "Hi, where have you been all my life, handsome?" Ok, not really, but I think the fact that I smiled without even thinking about it conveyed the fact I was happy to see him.
And just like we had never left it, we fell right back into our old routine. We stood a few feet apart, got into the same car, sat where we could see each other, cast some coy glances. When the train stopped I stuck to the script. I moved towards the door and cast a glance back at him over my shoulder. He's supposed to smile, the over the shoulder look is the cue. And he did smile. But then he did something he'd never done before. He winked.
I don't have a good reason to get up that early again this week. But I probably will.
There you are again
I see you all the time
We haven't really met yet,
But you know, I don't mind
'Cause I think today's the day
I'm gonna go right up and say to you
Would it be alright
If I called you up sometime?
There you go again
I let you get away
At least I've got more time
To think of what I might say (like)
Couldn't we be good (or maybe)
Don't you think that we should find
Some quiet little place where we'd make love all day?
Come and talk to me
What are you waiting for
'Cause I can see you passing every day
and I'm always wanting more
Come and talk to me
What are you gonna do
'cause I can't seem to get the nerve to get off my own ass
And come and talk to you
Of course, there is a story behind my spouting off the lyrics to a song most of you have never heard of. It all started back in April when I moved into my own apartment and started catching the early train into Maryland.......
I saw him first. He was dressed in army fatigues with his back pack casually slung over one shoulder. At first, he was in his own world obviously enjoying whatever music was beating out of his headphones. He was coming down the stairs and I was seated on a bench. 4 minutes until the next train (I've only got 4 minutes to save the world....) Like most of the men I have dated since my infamous affair with Mr. Beautiful he is tall, dark and handsome. Striking enough to make me look twice, but......I'm a shy girl from the Midwest. Talking to him is not something that's going to happen anytime soon. The train comes, we both get on the same car. Obviously, fate is with me on this day because he sits a little further up and across from me. Perfect, I can look at him while pretending not to look at him. Looking....damn, he caught me. I quickly glance away. Out the window. Wow, there is a lot of graffiti out there. And back....now I catch him. He looks away. Out the window. I wonder if he's admiring the graffiti as well. Hey, some people will tell you its an art.
This went on for months. It was like something out of a movie.
Start Scene
Heroine enters scene right, sits on concrete bench. She opens the paper and furtively glances towards the stairwell. She appears to be waiting for someone.
Hero enters from stairwell, scene right. He's wearing headphones, though he seems cognizant of his surroundings. As he reaches the bottom of the stairwell, he glances around casually. He spots our heroine reading the paper and saunters in her direction, stopping to stand a few feet away.
Heroine glances up and gives him a polite smile, then goes back to reading her paper. Hero changes the song on his iPod and eyes the clock. The train arrives.
Both actors enter the car, though through different doors. They do not look at each other, but they manage to sit so that they can still see each other.
They look up at the same time, their eyes meet, they both smile then quickly glance away. The heroine peers out the window and realizes she can see his reflection. He's watching her. She looks down at her paper, then back up. He's looking at the documents in his hand, but he is smiling.
The train stops. Our heroine stands and moves towards the doors. As she exits she throws a glance over her shoulder at the mystery man in camouflage. He smiles at her. She smiles back then exits the train.
End Scene
It was the same scene over and over and over. We never spoke, we never did anything more than smile. Then, sadly, I started taking a different train and my mystery army man was lost to me forever. Until today, that is. Today, for the first time in probably 3 months, I caught the early train. I saw him as soon as I got to the top of the stairs and almost like he knew I was there he lifted his head and looked right at me. Without even knowing I was doing it, I flashed him a signature kitten smile........the one that says "Hi, where have you been all my life, handsome?" Ok, not really, but I think the fact that I smiled without even thinking about it conveyed the fact I was happy to see him.
And just like we had never left it, we fell right back into our old routine. We stood a few feet apart, got into the same car, sat where we could see each other, cast some coy glances. When the train stopped I stuck to the script. I moved towards the door and cast a glance back at him over my shoulder. He's supposed to smile, the over the shoulder look is the cue. And he did smile. But then he did something he'd never done before. He winked.
I don't have a good reason to get up that early again this week. But I probably will.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Workin' at the Car Wash
It rained yesterday. It's been raining incessantly for almost 5 days now, making it impossible to go anywhere without getting drenched. It's the kind of rain that doesn't let up and makes everyone gloomy and irritable. When it rains like this it seems like the only thing that will pull me out of my funk is a ray of sunshine. Just for a short time, a little sun. I got just that yesterday, though not in the form of the glowing star a million miles from Earth.
It's Mother's Day, so I made it a point to call my grandmother. She's talking about the crazy people in the nursing home again, so I wander into my kitchen and light a cigarette (yes, I know they are bad for you.....and no, I haven't taken it up again. I was just stressed out last week). I have the kitchen window open so I can blow the smoke outside, which is where I was when Sunshine appeared. As I am standing there listening to my grandmother and most likely giving myself lung cancer, a man walks out of my apartment building onto the street. Not just any man, but a really good looking man. A really well-built man. The kind of man a woman can look at and appreciate, like a piece of art, but live and in living color. He was shirtless, wearing only shorts and flip-flops in the pouring rain. For a moment I wonder what this man is doing outside without a shirt in this kind of weather, until I notice the bucket in his hand. The bucket is full of suds and as I watch, while rapidly losing interest in anyting my grandmother is saying, he crosses the street and proceeds to wash his car. In the rain. Wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, which are clinging to him in all the right spots because they are wet from suds and rain.
I do not lie. This actually happened. I felt like I was living in a Diet Pepsi commercial and that I should call all my friends to watch the show. I watched from start to finish, pulling back into reality only occassionally to murmur "Mmm-hmmm" or "ok..." as my grandmother chatted about her week.
I don't know who he is, or if he even lives in my building. He could be gay for all I know, but I don't disciminate if all I'm going to do is look. What I do know is that whenever it rains I will be watching from the kitchen window, just in case he needs to wash his car again.
It's Mother's Day, so I made it a point to call my grandmother. She's talking about the crazy people in the nursing home again, so I wander into my kitchen and light a cigarette (yes, I know they are bad for you.....and no, I haven't taken it up again. I was just stressed out last week). I have the kitchen window open so I can blow the smoke outside, which is where I was when Sunshine appeared. As I am standing there listening to my grandmother and most likely giving myself lung cancer, a man walks out of my apartment building onto the street. Not just any man, but a really good looking man. A really well-built man. The kind of man a woman can look at and appreciate, like a piece of art, but live and in living color. He was shirtless, wearing only shorts and flip-flops in the pouring rain. For a moment I wonder what this man is doing outside without a shirt in this kind of weather, until I notice the bucket in his hand. The bucket is full of suds and as I watch, while rapidly losing interest in anyting my grandmother is saying, he crosses the street and proceeds to wash his car. In the rain. Wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, which are clinging to him in all the right spots because they are wet from suds and rain.
I do not lie. This actually happened. I felt like I was living in a Diet Pepsi commercial and that I should call all my friends to watch the show. I watched from start to finish, pulling back into reality only occassionally to murmur "Mmm-hmmm" or "ok..." as my grandmother chatted about her week.
I don't know who he is, or if he even lives in my building. He could be gay for all I know, but I don't disciminate if all I'm going to do is look. What I do know is that whenever it rains I will be watching from the kitchen window, just in case he needs to wash his car again.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Why Did I Wait?
Why did I wait so long to have that talk with Mr. APR? What was I afraid of? Ok, I know what I was afraid of. I had run through every scenario in my head and all of them ended in an argument. In some I stormed out (though I where I would go is a mystery since I don't own a car), in some he stormed out. Perhaps that's just my prior relationship issues coming to the surface, but that's not the way it went down at all. He was so understanding, and, as it turns out, just as unsure of the relationship as I was. We should have had that talk weeks ago. At least now I know where he stands.
Now if I could just decide where I stood.........
I'm not going to tell the story because I've decided that I'm sick of it. Yes, I am actually sick of myself as I relate to OBF. I am sick of the way I act when I am around him, sick of being sad when things don't work out, sick of all the waiting and wondering.....I'm just sick. I am a mature, successful, bright adult. Why in the world can I not get out of this neverending cycle of regurgitated affection? He's a bad habit....the best bad habit I've ever had, but bad nonetheless.
How long does it take to break a bad habit?
Now if I could just decide where I stood.........
I'm not going to tell the story because I've decided that I'm sick of it. Yes, I am actually sick of myself as I relate to OBF. I am sick of the way I act when I am around him, sick of being sad when things don't work out, sick of all the waiting and wondering.....I'm just sick. I am a mature, successful, bright adult. Why in the world can I not get out of this neverending cycle of regurgitated affection? He's a bad habit....the best bad habit I've ever had, but bad nonetheless.
How long does it take to break a bad habit?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Guy Time
So here I am stuck at work waiting for my now official boyfriend to pick me up. Funny thing about all that officialness.....it doesn't really seem that way. Sure, I call him my boyfriend to his face now, but we don't seem intent on spending that much time together. Or at least he doesn't seem to want to set aside his "guy time" to spend time with me. He's done something with they guys every single day for the past 7 days, twice at the expense of our plans. So my questions is - how much "guy time" does one guy need?
I don't want to be the overbearing girlfriend and say "Hey, you! Pay attention to me!" but I'm not sure what else to do. Twice this week we had plans and twice I got thrown over for the guys. I'm all about doing my own thing (as y'all well know from reading past posts), but where does one draw the line? Twice he didn't call when he said he was going to, although once I will allow room for error due to miscommunication. Is it his age? Are they really all "Bros before Hoes" when they are that young? Really? And again he is late. Here's another interesting observation - he can always leave early when he's hanging out with they guys......maybe just once he could leave early for me?
Maybe I haven't had enough sleep the past few weeks and being tired is making me bitchy. Maybe I am just fed up with having to compete with his friends. Maybe I'm on the verge of really falling for him and I am coming up with every possible excuse not to (analyze that, Master). Maybe it's been 4 months now and I feel like we should MAYBE have a talk about how we feel about each other. God, even a small statement would be nice. It doesn't have to be 'I love you" (even I shudder at the thought), but a confirmation that he feels this is going somewhere would do wonders for my confidence in our relationship.
And MAYBE if i was confident in our relationship I would stop messing with OBF. Although, in my defense, I did something last week that I never thought I would or could do. I walked away. I received this email that literally broke my heart. He was so confused, felt so guilty and was just so expressive about it I cried as I read it. And I also knew that he would not walk away from me. So I did it. I cut off all communication, we stopped hanging out and I avoided the office for about a week (that was pretty simple to do since I was swamped at my project site). I mean, it was a good try. Even if it only lasted a week. It probably would have lasted longer if he hadn't hit me with the news that he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah, everybody stop. BREAKING NEWS: OBF IS SINGLE!
Or was, for about 4 days. She's a smart girl. She bought a plane ticket and flew up here the first chance she got to change his mind. I guess it worked. And I'm the one that talked him through it. I played the best friend on the phone while he was trying to decide what to do. Oh well, as long as he's happy. Sadly, I'm not sure he is......but I don't think I want to find out.
I think maybe tonight is the night I try to have a serious talk with APR. Maybe.
I don't want to be the overbearing girlfriend and say "Hey, you! Pay attention to me!" but I'm not sure what else to do. Twice this week we had plans and twice I got thrown over for the guys. I'm all about doing my own thing (as y'all well know from reading past posts), but where does one draw the line? Twice he didn't call when he said he was going to, although once I will allow room for error due to miscommunication. Is it his age? Are they really all "Bros before Hoes" when they are that young? Really? And again he is late. Here's another interesting observation - he can always leave early when he's hanging out with they guys......maybe just once he could leave early for me?
Maybe I haven't had enough sleep the past few weeks and being tired is making me bitchy. Maybe I am just fed up with having to compete with his friends. Maybe I'm on the verge of really falling for him and I am coming up with every possible excuse not to (analyze that, Master). Maybe it's been 4 months now and I feel like we should MAYBE have a talk about how we feel about each other. God, even a small statement would be nice. It doesn't have to be 'I love you" (even I shudder at the thought), but a confirmation that he feels this is going somewhere would do wonders for my confidence in our relationship.
And MAYBE if i was confident in our relationship I would stop messing with OBF. Although, in my defense, I did something last week that I never thought I would or could do. I walked away. I received this email that literally broke my heart. He was so confused, felt so guilty and was just so expressive about it I cried as I read it. And I also knew that he would not walk away from me. So I did it. I cut off all communication, we stopped hanging out and I avoided the office for about a week (that was pretty simple to do since I was swamped at my project site). I mean, it was a good try. Even if it only lasted a week. It probably would have lasted longer if he hadn't hit me with the news that he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah, everybody stop. BREAKING NEWS: OBF IS SINGLE!
Or was, for about 4 days. She's a smart girl. She bought a plane ticket and flew up here the first chance she got to change his mind. I guess it worked. And I'm the one that talked him through it. I played the best friend on the phone while he was trying to decide what to do. Oh well, as long as he's happy. Sadly, I'm not sure he is......but I don't think I want to find out.
I think maybe tonight is the night I try to have a serious talk with APR. Maybe.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sex and the City - DC?
I know I've said it before, but I feel like I need to say it again. What is wrong with me? What was I thinking? Why in the world can't I say no to OBF? Is it his wonderfully luscious eyes, or the fact that when he speaks Spanish to me I swoon? Or is it simply a matter of wanting what you can't have? Regardless of the reason, whenever I get around him my clothes just seem to strip themselves off of their volition. I have no say in the matter, because I lose my mind whenever he gets too close to me.
Case in point - a few weekends ago he came over to hang out. We were going to have a nice day out. Get some lunch, hit up an art museum, check out the Cherry Blossom Festival. I was excited about getting out for the day. I did my hair. I put on make-up. But I made the mistake of letting him into my apartment. He kissed me. Not just any kiss either.....it was a total Hollywood kiss. The kind you see at the end of old movies where the hero has just found the heroine again after being apart for an unmeasurable amount of time and he takes her into his arms, bends her backwards and kisses her as if that is the only thing that will keep him alive.
Cue the love song.
Sigh. I'm sure those would have been fun things to do, except we didn't leave the bedroom until the next day. I know I don't have to tell you that it was incredible. You probably came to your own conclusion as soon as I said we didn't leave the bedroom. After all, why stay locked up with someone for that long if they aren't amazing? Why, indeed.
So there it is again. I am trapped in this OBF cycle that I can't seem to get out of. How do I say no to him? Do I want to say no to him? I have no idea.
But what about APR, you ask? What about APR......he's amazing too. A few weeks ago he had a "surprise week" where he gave me a little surprise each day. One day he took me out for sushi (my favorite, but the one food he can't stand). Another day he took me all the way to Baltimore to see a frog exhibit at the National Aquarium. He spends all this time trying to please me, and every day I find myself liking it more and more. When I am with him, OBF is like a vague memory. I never even think of him. But when I'm not......well, then they are both on my mind.
It's so wrong, I can practically feel the sin tainting my soul. Or maybe I would if I was a more religious person.
My friend "Germany" told me the other day that I was like the Carrie Bradshaw of DC and that I had already found my Mr. Big. First, I'm pretty sure that was meant as a compliment, but do I really want to strive to be as stubbornly single as the Carrie Bradshaw character seems to be? Second, maybe I have found him..................the question is - which one is it?
Case in point - a few weekends ago he came over to hang out. We were going to have a nice day out. Get some lunch, hit up an art museum, check out the Cherry Blossom Festival. I was excited about getting out for the day. I did my hair. I put on make-up. But I made the mistake of letting him into my apartment. He kissed me. Not just any kiss either.....it was a total Hollywood kiss. The kind you see at the end of old movies where the hero has just found the heroine again after being apart for an unmeasurable amount of time and he takes her into his arms, bends her backwards and kisses her as if that is the only thing that will keep him alive.
Cue the love song.
Sigh. I'm sure those would have been fun things to do, except we didn't leave the bedroom until the next day. I know I don't have to tell you that it was incredible. You probably came to your own conclusion as soon as I said we didn't leave the bedroom. After all, why stay locked up with someone for that long if they aren't amazing? Why, indeed.
So there it is again. I am trapped in this OBF cycle that I can't seem to get out of. How do I say no to him? Do I want to say no to him? I have no idea.
But what about APR, you ask? What about APR......he's amazing too. A few weeks ago he had a "surprise week" where he gave me a little surprise each day. One day he took me out for sushi (my favorite, but the one food he can't stand). Another day he took me all the way to Baltimore to see a frog exhibit at the National Aquarium. He spends all this time trying to please me, and every day I find myself liking it more and more. When I am with him, OBF is like a vague memory. I never even think of him. But when I'm not......well, then they are both on my mind.
It's so wrong, I can practically feel the sin tainting my soul. Or maybe I would if I was a more religious person.
My friend "Germany" told me the other day that I was like the Carrie Bradshaw of DC and that I had already found my Mr. Big. First, I'm pretty sure that was meant as a compliment, but do I really want to strive to be as stubbornly single as the Carrie Bradshaw character seems to be? Second, maybe I have found him..................the question is - which one is it?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Just When You Thought It Was Over
Let me preface this entry by saying that I am very, very happy with Mr. APR. Sure, we still haven't actually had "the talk" and I know absolutely nothing of his past but when we're together it doesn't matter. He makes me laugh, does little things he knows will make me smile and his bedroom antics left me speechless (in a VERY good way) on 2 different occasions this weekend. I look forward to his phone calls at night and hate when he's away. Sounds perfect, right?
So why the hell do things like this keep happening to me?
It's Friday night. APR and I are out for our usual dinner and a movie. I've been waiting days to see him and I am just reveling in the affection. He obviously missed me as much as I missed him. My phone chirps......wait, what is this, a text message from OBF? I am confused, but I play it off. After all, OBF and I more or less decided against any contact over the weekend given that his gf was in town and I was spending the weekend with my boyfriend......or whatever you want to call him. It's not like there's been much going on there. We still talk, with the occasional innuendo, but that's been the extent of it. But still, there it was bright and bold on my phone - One new text (OBF). huh. He wanted to know the name of a certain Cuban restaurant I frequent with a friend. I've been telling him for months that I'm going to bring him there, and now he wants to know the name of it so he can bring is gf? I felt a flicker of jealousy but quickly put it out. He's not mine, why should i be jealous? I responded, and let it go.
1:00 a.m. I am laying on the bed, trying to catch my breath when my phone goes off. New text message - it's OBF. 'Thanks', it said "But we went to Havana Village instead. Hows your night going?'
(Insert Record Scratching Sound)
WTF????
He knows where I am, who I'm with and he wants to know how it's going? I didn't respond...that would just be too weird.
Sunday Afternoon - I'm sitting next to APR on the sofa. He's working, I'm working.....it's the epitome of domestic bliss. I check my email for something I am waiting on and that's when I see it. "Damn, this kinda sucks" it says. Sent at 1:37 am.
Kitten - "What sucks?" (even though I think I know the answer)
OBF - "Not talking all weekend" (Yep, I knew the answer)
Kitten - "Cute, I miss you too, now go have a good weekend and we'll talk soon."
OBF - "Let's go out this week. Soon."
He's coming over tonight to help me hang some pictures and do some other things around the place I can't do with a fractured ankle. I shouldn't let him. I know that.
But I missed him too.
So why the hell do things like this keep happening to me?
It's Friday night. APR and I are out for our usual dinner and a movie. I've been waiting days to see him and I am just reveling in the affection. He obviously missed me as much as I missed him. My phone chirps......wait, what is this, a text message from OBF? I am confused, but I play it off. After all, OBF and I more or less decided against any contact over the weekend given that his gf was in town and I was spending the weekend with my boyfriend......or whatever you want to call him. It's not like there's been much going on there. We still talk, with the occasional innuendo, but that's been the extent of it. But still, there it was bright and bold on my phone - One new text (OBF). huh. He wanted to know the name of a certain Cuban restaurant I frequent with a friend. I've been telling him for months that I'm going to bring him there, and now he wants to know the name of it so he can bring is gf? I felt a flicker of jealousy but quickly put it out. He's not mine, why should i be jealous? I responded, and let it go.
1:00 a.m. I am laying on the bed, trying to catch my breath when my phone goes off. New text message - it's OBF. 'Thanks', it said "But we went to Havana Village instead. Hows your night going?'
(Insert Record Scratching Sound)
WTF????
He knows where I am, who I'm with and he wants to know how it's going? I didn't respond...that would just be too weird.
Sunday Afternoon - I'm sitting next to APR on the sofa. He's working, I'm working.....it's the epitome of domestic bliss. I check my email for something I am waiting on and that's when I see it. "Damn, this kinda sucks" it says. Sent at 1:37 am.
Kitten - "What sucks?" (even though I think I know the answer)
OBF - "Not talking all weekend" (Yep, I knew the answer)
Kitten - "Cute, I miss you too, now go have a good weekend and we'll talk soon."
OBF - "Let's go out this week. Soon."
He's coming over tonight to help me hang some pictures and do some other things around the place I can't do with a fractured ankle. I shouldn't let him. I know that.
But I missed him too.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Little Moments
Every now and then in one's life you are faced with a situation you are unprepared for and unfailingly shocked by. Perhaps that moment will bring you closer to another, perhaps it will tear you apart. Perhaps it will be the start of a journey you did not expect, the mystery of it's conclusion pulling you further in. Everyone has these moments; we probably have them more than we know. They are the little turning points in the road called life that we all travel and inevitably they have a profound effect.
I had one such moment over the weekend and it will stay with me for as long as I live. This weekend was by no means a good one. I spent the majority of it cooped up in a u-haul driving through a blizzard with my dad in the passenger seat. Not anyone's idea of a rockin' good time, but it had to be done. I officially live in DC. I have a permanent address and everything. I want to do a little dance, but I don't think my co-workers would appreciate the visual.
As I said, my dad drove here with me and decided to stay a few extra days. I was excited and nervous as my dad and I have never spent much time alone together. It's sad to say, but my brother is my father's child and I am most definitely my mother's. Needless to say, I was looking forward to some one and one time with him. Since we got here and got the truck unloaded on Saturday, I decided to take him sightseeing on Sunday. We hit very monument on the wall - the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument, the World War 2 Memorial, the Korean War Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial. It was at the last that my moment occurred. First, my father being a man of very few words, I was startled when he said he wanted to find someone's name on the wall. I was even more taken aback when we found the name and there, standing in the middle of DC, I saw my father cry for the 4th time in my entire life. I wonder a little what he was crying for......what happened there? Who was this person that could cause so much emotion for such an unemotional man? Was it actually this man he was crying for or perhaps the memory of many lost comrades? I don't know, because I couldn't bring myself to ask. What I could do was take his hand and stand there solemnly as he remembered things I'm sure I can't even imagine. Then, as we quietly walked away I wondered just how much there is that I don't know about my father. I think maybe it's time I make the effort to get to know him.
I had one such moment over the weekend and it will stay with me for as long as I live. This weekend was by no means a good one. I spent the majority of it cooped up in a u-haul driving through a blizzard with my dad in the passenger seat. Not anyone's idea of a rockin' good time, but it had to be done. I officially live in DC. I have a permanent address and everything. I want to do a little dance, but I don't think my co-workers would appreciate the visual.
As I said, my dad drove here with me and decided to stay a few extra days. I was excited and nervous as my dad and I have never spent much time alone together. It's sad to say, but my brother is my father's child and I am most definitely my mother's. Needless to say, I was looking forward to some one and one time with him. Since we got here and got the truck unloaded on Saturday, I decided to take him sightseeing on Sunday. We hit very monument on the wall - the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument, the World War 2 Memorial, the Korean War Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial. It was at the last that my moment occurred. First, my father being a man of very few words, I was startled when he said he wanted to find someone's name on the wall. I was even more taken aback when we found the name and there, standing in the middle of DC, I saw my father cry for the 4th time in my entire life. I wonder a little what he was crying for......what happened there? Who was this person that could cause so much emotion for such an unemotional man? Was it actually this man he was crying for or perhaps the memory of many lost comrades? I don't know, because I couldn't bring myself to ask. What I could do was take his hand and stand there solemnly as he remembered things I'm sure I can't even imagine. Then, as we quietly walked away I wondered just how much there is that I don't know about my father. I think maybe it's time I make the effort to get to know him.
Friday, February 22, 2008
It Could Be More
Valentine's Day was a huge success, if i do say so myself. As it turns out, I'm not the one that went overboard. Godiva chocolates, music, dinner at a romantic restaurant, roses......and a few other things that shall remain private. He did well. But it's not the gifts that made the evening such a success. It's the little moments. The hand holding, kisses on the cheek, the affectionate looks. All of that does wonders for the ego. But there was one moment in particular when I knew that quite possibly this could be something special. We were laying there on the bed (fully clothed, mind you, though that would not last long) just looking at each other. He brushed the hair from my face and and whispered "wow." I could have asked what it meant, but I think I know. Since then things have been, well, perfect. Divine. Incredible. Something in our relationship has shifted, though I would be hard pressed to define it. I feel like we are becoming more open with each other, more in tune to the other's moods. Maybe it's just that we are getting closer. Whatever it is, I like it!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day to all my faithful readers! I am sitting here in the office awaiting the start to my much anticipated V-Day evening with MovieGuy (whose name we are changing to APR because Foxy insists on calling him Mr. Amusement Park Ride). First, let me just say that I don't understand why Valentine's Day is such a huge deal. I didn't even remember that it was coming up until Sunday afternoon when APR was driving me home. He says "We're definately doing something Thursday, right?". And like the true blonde that I am (though you wouldn't know it by looking at me), I respond with "Why, what's so special about Thursday?". He looks at me as if I have just committed one of the 7 deadly sins and tells me its Valentine's Day.
Oops. Missed that one.
Valentine's Day. For 3 days I pondered and agonized what to get him. I mean, we've only been dating a month and a half, so I'm not about to go all sugar mama and start buying him expensive gifts. I finally sent his friend a myspace message and garnered some assistance. We settled on a Blu-ray movie he's been wanting forever. Ok, its not the most romantic gift in the world, but I did put some thought into it. Or at least I was resourceful enough to get suggestions. Then there was the card.....that was a whole other experience in itself. Again, we're a fairly new couple. I don't want him opening a card that screams 'I Love You' in red glitter. I wanted something simple. Something chaste, if you will. Something that says I'm glad you're in my life, you make me happy.
I got Cupid mooning a couple. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it certainly doesn't say 'I Love You'.
And so I wait, wondering what surprises, if any, APR has in store for me. Did he get me a gift? Did I go too overboard? Is he planning a romantic evening?
Stay Tuned.........
Oops. Missed that one.
Valentine's Day. For 3 days I pondered and agonized what to get him. I mean, we've only been dating a month and a half, so I'm not about to go all sugar mama and start buying him expensive gifts. I finally sent his friend a myspace message and garnered some assistance. We settled on a Blu-ray movie he's been wanting forever. Ok, its not the most romantic gift in the world, but I did put some thought into it. Or at least I was resourceful enough to get suggestions. Then there was the card.....that was a whole other experience in itself. Again, we're a fairly new couple. I don't want him opening a card that screams 'I Love You' in red glitter. I wanted something simple. Something chaste, if you will. Something that says I'm glad you're in my life, you make me happy.
I got Cupid mooning a couple. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it certainly doesn't say 'I Love You'.
And so I wait, wondering what surprises, if any, APR has in store for me. Did he get me a gift? Did I go too overboard? Is he planning a romantic evening?
Stay Tuned.........
Monday, February 11, 2008
Two months later.....
Here I am! I'm back, and I apologize for the lengthy hiatus. I had several complaints over the weekend that I haven't kept up with this, so here y'all are.
So there are several things I don't understand. For instance, when you are trying to get to work just a little bit early, why is that the day the metro is delayed? Why do government workers insist on having 16 meetings about one tiny little detail and yet never seem to resolve the issue? Where do the animals really go when mom & dad say they took them to the farm? Ok, that last one was a joke, but you get where I am going with this.......
But one of the things I really don't understand is why it's so difficult to to admit that you love someone. Or at least care about them a great deal. OFB can't do it, even though I think he does. We've been on, we've been off, we've been to bed, we've been just friends. We've been awkward, we've been fine. And now, after all that he's just going to let me go. He tells me things when we are alone late at night, and then pretends they never happened. Is this normal? Probably for someone that has a girlfriend and has no intention of breaking up with her. How did I get into this situation, you may ask? The simple answer is that I have no wordly clue. Because sometimes I just do. Sometimes I just live. Sometimes sleeping with your best male friend in DC seems like a really great idea after a night out drinking when he's been looking at you the entire time with those eyes. Those deep, gorgoeus chocolate eyes.......but I digress. It seems like a good idea until the next morning when you have to face up to what you've done. And then you go on with your life trying to be friends. It's ridiculous. Yet I can't stop myself from wanting him in my life. I wish I could blame it on lonliness, but that would be a lie because.......
The Kitten has a boyfriend. Before you all start to wonder why I am still hung up OFB when I have a new guy, let me just say that my previous statements were more of a closure to that issue. I do want him as a part of my life, if we ever find a way to be friends after being more so very briefly. So back to the boyfriend (we'll call him MovieGuy)........I met him at a New Years Eve party when I was feeling particularly sad about OFB being in NC with his girlfriend. I wasn't looking and I certainly didn't expect to click with someone as quickly as I clicked with him. I saw him first, you couldn't really miss the aviator glasses and ridiculously large scarf around his neck. Did I mention that he's also a little goofy? We started talking, we laughed, we checked out the other's iPod. He held my hand and kissed me on the cheek when he left. I didn't think he's call. I actually sort of forgot about it. And then he did call....our first date was the day before his birthday and we've been going strong ever since. He is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He's smart, sexy, creative and young. 24 to be exact. But I'm ok with that. He's young enough to still want to show me affection in public and celebrate Valentine's Day. Yes, that's right...the kitty is celebrating Valentine's Day. For real. This guy makes me weak in the knees. He makes me giddy, giggly and all sorts of nervous. I love it! He's so adorable all the time. He calls to check in, sends me cute text messages during the day and the nights we spend together I spend wrapped up in his arms. OMG, I'm sappy. Who am I???
And that is the gist of what has occured in the last two months. Well, that and I turned 30. But who wants to talk about that?
So there are several things I don't understand. For instance, when you are trying to get to work just a little bit early, why is that the day the metro is delayed? Why do government workers insist on having 16 meetings about one tiny little detail and yet never seem to resolve the issue? Where do the animals really go when mom & dad say they took them to the farm? Ok, that last one was a joke, but you get where I am going with this.......
But one of the things I really don't understand is why it's so difficult to to admit that you love someone. Or at least care about them a great deal. OFB can't do it, even though I think he does. We've been on, we've been off, we've been to bed, we've been just friends. We've been awkward, we've been fine. And now, after all that he's just going to let me go. He tells me things when we are alone late at night, and then pretends they never happened. Is this normal? Probably for someone that has a girlfriend and has no intention of breaking up with her. How did I get into this situation, you may ask? The simple answer is that I have no wordly clue. Because sometimes I just do. Sometimes I just live. Sometimes sleeping with your best male friend in DC seems like a really great idea after a night out drinking when he's been looking at you the entire time with those eyes. Those deep, gorgoeus chocolate eyes.......but I digress. It seems like a good idea until the next morning when you have to face up to what you've done. And then you go on with your life trying to be friends. It's ridiculous. Yet I can't stop myself from wanting him in my life. I wish I could blame it on lonliness, but that would be a lie because.......
The Kitten has a boyfriend. Before you all start to wonder why I am still hung up OFB when I have a new guy, let me just say that my previous statements were more of a closure to that issue. I do want him as a part of my life, if we ever find a way to be friends after being more so very briefly. So back to the boyfriend (we'll call him MovieGuy)........I met him at a New Years Eve party when I was feeling particularly sad about OFB being in NC with his girlfriend. I wasn't looking and I certainly didn't expect to click with someone as quickly as I clicked with him. I saw him first, you couldn't really miss the aviator glasses and ridiculously large scarf around his neck. Did I mention that he's also a little goofy? We started talking, we laughed, we checked out the other's iPod. He held my hand and kissed me on the cheek when he left. I didn't think he's call. I actually sort of forgot about it. And then he did call....our first date was the day before his birthday and we've been going strong ever since. He is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He's smart, sexy, creative and young. 24 to be exact. But I'm ok with that. He's young enough to still want to show me affection in public and celebrate Valentine's Day. Yes, that's right...the kitty is celebrating Valentine's Day. For real. This guy makes me weak in the knees. He makes me giddy, giggly and all sorts of nervous. I love it! He's so adorable all the time. He calls to check in, sends me cute text messages during the day and the nights we spend together I spend wrapped up in his arms. OMG, I'm sappy. Who am I???
And that is the gist of what has occured in the last two months. Well, that and I turned 30. But who wants to talk about that?
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